Take the night and darken everything around me
Call the clouds and listen closely, I'm lost without you

Call your name everyday, when I feel so helpless
I'm fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this

Hate your mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know this void will grow
And everything's in vain, distressing you, don't leave me open
Feels so right that I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name everyday, when I feel so helpless
I'm fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this

Call your name everyday when I seem so helpless
I'm fallen down but I'll rise above this rise, rise above this now

I'll mend myself before it gets me
I'll mend myself before it gets me
I'll mend myself before it gets me
I'll mend myself before it gets me

Call your name everyday when I feel so helpless
I'm fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feeling helpless
Fallen down and I'll rise above this, rise above this
Rise above this, rise above this now

So I just woke up like an hour ago. For some reason, I just feel very empty. I don't know how to explain it other than that. I mean, I know I'm depressed and everything but this is a different kind of feeling. Its similar but its not the same. I don't understand why I feel this way. Its just ... weird I guess.

Well I hope it goes away. I hate this feeling...

Please do not call or visit me tomorrow.
It is very important that I can as much rest I can.
Plus, I need a lot of peace and quiet.
Thanks to all who has given me love and support!
It means so much to me, you have no idea!
If you don't know what I'm talking about, please don't ask.
I didn't tell you for one of two reasons.
One is that I didn't think you needed to know.
The other is that I probably didn't want you to worry.
Pick the reason that helps you sleep at night.



Kayla

So I'm going to try and start a new story. Actually, two new stories. One will be a fan-fic and the other will be something sort of like a diary or the story of my life. Something like that.


There's a bunch of problems going on right now. I wish I could just ignore them but I'm a big worrier. If only I could go back in time and fix a few things or tell a few people some things. That would make life SO much easier. But then again, life is NEVER easy, is it?


So Saturday, I'm having "surgery." Don't ask what kind. You'll know if I told you. Anyway, I'm really nervous about it. John says it'll be okay. I hope he's right.


As you can tell, I'm getting back into poetry and writing and photoshopping shit. I'm really excited about it. I also have a Halloween project. I'm going to find a picture of clown paint and make a stencil out of it. Hopefully, it'll turn out the way I want it to.


If you find a picture that you think I'd like to photoshop, send me the link!

So I've been thinking. . .
I've locked a lot of my issues and problems away in my mind lately. I want to put it on paper, like I used to. I can't think of anything to write or draw. I miss writing my poetry. It means a lot to me. You have no idea. I can't think of a way to start anything. So I've got writers block and artist's block. It absolutely sucks.
I have a UTI. It really hurts.
I really feel bad. I was going to visit Katie last weekend, but I ended up getting strep throat. I was going to visit her this weekend, but I have a UTI. I wish I didn't get sick so damn much. It really ruins a lot of things. I will come up there eventually Katie! I promise! I miss you so much!
So John hit me in his sleep today. It hurt. I figured he wouldn't remember doing it so I went downstairs to cool down because I almost punched him in the fucking face.
Oh, and I haven't had much to eat. I am hungry, and I want to eat. Every time I try, I get nauseous and can't eat anything. What the hell is up with that?? I really want to go to that one Chinese buffet in Winston. I can't remember what it's called but I went with Katie and her dad one day and he wouldn't let me pay, which was nice of him to do. I still wanted to pay though. . . But that was a nice place. I liked the food and everything. I really want to go back. John won't take me, because he hates Chinese food. I don't have the money to go, so I can't take myself. My grandparents..... wait... my grandparents! Maybe I can ask them if they'd like to go with me. I'd stay on their good side. Oh wait, one of them doesn't like Chinese food I think. I know my granddad hates Japanese. My grandmother and I used to go to Kimono together all the time. I miss that... I'll call them when I'm feeling better and ask.
I've been watching a lot of Disney movies lately. I always do when I'm sick. What are some of your favorite Disney movies? I might download it if I haven't already seen it in the past few weeks.
Anyway, I haven't really talked to anybody recently. How are you guys? You haven't died on me have you?

K- Have a nice butt
A- is weird at times
Y- One of the sexiest people alive
L- People think you're sexy
A- is weird at times
Apparently I'm very sexy and pretty weird. But its okay because my ass is nice.

__________________________

A- is weird at times
B- Fun when it comes to meeting new people
C- Truly believes in love
D- Have a big heart
E- a wonderful kisser
F- People totally adore
G- Deeply believe in love
H- Very good personality and looks
I- Popular with all types of people
J- Likes to try new things
K- Have a nice butt
L- People think you're sexy
M- Never let people tell you what to do
N- BEST IN BED
O- Likes to have a good time
P- Have a big warm heart
Q- Good in bed
R- Someone everyone loves
S- Have problems trusting people
T -One of the best in bed
U- Really laid back
V- Not judgmental
W- Very broad minded
X- Success comes easily
Y- One of the sexiest people alive
Z- Hated by many, confronted by few




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Turn ons/offs

Write after each of these whether its a turn on or turn off for you in a girl/guy

Blonde hair: depends

Brown hair: on

Red hair: depends

Blue eyes: on

Green eyes: on

Brown eyes: off

Athletic: meh

Skinny: on

Few extra pounds: depends

Glasses: doesnt matter

Hat: depends

Good student: meh

Good at sports: meh

Dorky: on

Listens to rock: on

Listens to country: off

Listens to emo: off

Tough: on

Sensitive: on

Preppy: off

Skater: on

Well-dressed: depends

Slacker: meh

Good with computers: on

Plays guitar: playing any instrument is a major turn on

Dances well: meh

Lifts weights: meh

Has a job: meh

Writes poetry: on

Makes stupid jokes: on